Week 5 picks
Last week: 8-7
Season record: 34-29-1
Wow, that's a horrible record so far for me. But even though I got the Thursday night pick wrong, I was as close to picking the exact score that Gregg Zeurlein's kicking leg would allow. If that kick went through, the score would have been Rams 32, Seahawks 30. My pick was Rams 34, Seahawks 31. I would have been both correct, and within a couple points from the exact score. But the usually automatic BIG GEEZY came up short geezy. So I also came up not geezy, or something. Moving on.....
Jacksonville at Carolina--Minshew Mania travels north to face Kyle Allen's Panthers. This should be one of those really entertaining games that no more than 50 people will watch. It may even have the feel of an XFL game. Panthers 23, Jags 20
Arizona at Cincinnati--I'm half surprised this isn't the Monday night game. So these teams are a combined 0-7-1 so it may be a preview of teams who pick 1-2 in the 2020 draft. Maybe the Cards will draft a QB again and trade Kyler to the Raiders. Bengals 22, Cards 19
Atlanta at Houston--For an athletic QB, DeShaun Watson sure gets sacked a lot. The expansion Texans basically shortened David Carr's career because of how bad their O-line was. So it's nice they are keeping that tradition alive. Texans 26, Falcons 20
Tampa Bay at New Orleans--The Bucs are actually a missed chip shot against the Giants away from being 3-1. Let that sink in. Their defense is terrifying and they put up 55 points against the Rams in L.A. last week. Saints 26, Bucs 24
Minnesota at NY Giants--Oh man. Now that the Giants have gone from NFL doormat to a team that is respectable to holy shit, they have an outside chance of making the playoffs, my anxiety level has gone through the roof during games. It's been awesome AND bad for my health, like maple bacon donuts! Vikings 31, Giants 27
Chicago vs. Oakland at Tottenham, UK--Do they have fish & chip vendors or bland lamb on a stick? Wait, this is the game when Khalil Mack gets Chuckie all red-faced by sacking Derek Carr 8 times? I don't think the average American football fan in the UK understands how awesome this is gonna be. Bears 27, Raiders 6
NY Jets at Philadelphia--Sam Darnold is still out with mono. Does anyone else think he's faking it because he knows how bad his team is? Eagles 34, Jets 3
Baltimore at Pittsburgh--The AFC North is basically upside down this year. But somehow I can still picture a gimpy Big Ben leading his team to a 6-seed playoff berth, aided by some form of questionable pass interference or defensive holding call. Tell me you can't picture it too. Ravens 27, Steelers 20
Buffalo at Tennessee--Do the Bills have a single prime time game this year? I mean, they are 3-1 but will play every game at 1pm ET except for a Thanksgiving matchup in Dallas at 4:30. They will make the playoffs again, and they will have a Monday night game against Arizona as a reward. Bills 20, Titans 17
New England at Washington--The Skins would do their players and fans a big favor if they forfeited this game. I mean, they are essentially forfeiting every game anyway. Pats 42, Redskins 10
Denver at LA Chargers--There are 10 games in the early window tomorrow, and TWO games in the late window. Andrew Siciliano will have to hold his pee for 3 hours and then have to fill the late window with punts, early game highlights and Rich Eisen Show promos, and still be able to pee several times. Chargers 28, Broncos 17
Green Bay at Dallas--Get ready to see that Dez Bryant catch-no-catch replay a few times on Sunday. Cowboys 30, Packers 20
Indianapolis at Kansas City--Get ready to see highlights of that ridiculous playoff game when the Chiefs shockingly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. It won't happen this time though. Chiefs 38, Colts 24
Cleveland at San Francisco--Have we talked about how bad ESPN's football coverage is now? I think we have but it's also something I am passionate about and will regurgitate all season. This, however, is a good matchup......the undefeated Niners hosting the much improved Browns. Browns 22, Niners 20
Season record: 34-29-1
Wow, that's a horrible record so far for me. But even though I got the Thursday night pick wrong, I was as close to picking the exact score that Gregg Zeurlein's kicking leg would allow. If that kick went through, the score would have been Rams 32, Seahawks 30. My pick was Rams 34, Seahawks 31. I would have been both correct, and within a couple points from the exact score. But the usually automatic BIG GEEZY came up short geezy. So I also came up not geezy, or something. Moving on.....
Jacksonville at Carolina--Minshew Mania travels north to face Kyle Allen's Panthers. This should be one of those really entertaining games that no more than 50 people will watch. It may even have the feel of an XFL game. Panthers 23, Jags 20
Arizona at Cincinnati--I'm half surprised this isn't the Monday night game. So these teams are a combined 0-7-1 so it may be a preview of teams who pick 1-2 in the 2020 draft. Maybe the Cards will draft a QB again and trade Kyler to the Raiders. Bengals 22, Cards 19
Atlanta at Houston--For an athletic QB, DeShaun Watson sure gets sacked a lot. The expansion Texans basically shortened David Carr's career because of how bad their O-line was. So it's nice they are keeping that tradition alive. Texans 26, Falcons 20
Tampa Bay at New Orleans--The Bucs are actually a missed chip shot against the Giants away from being 3-1. Let that sink in. Their defense is terrifying and they put up 55 points against the Rams in L.A. last week. Saints 26, Bucs 24
Minnesota at NY Giants--Oh man. Now that the Giants have gone from NFL doormat to a team that is respectable to holy shit, they have an outside chance of making the playoffs, my anxiety level has gone through the roof during games. It's been awesome AND bad for my health, like maple bacon donuts! Vikings 31, Giants 27
Chicago vs. Oakland at Tottenham, UK--Do they have fish & chip vendors or bland lamb on a stick? Wait, this is the game when Khalil Mack gets Chuckie all red-faced by sacking Derek Carr 8 times? I don't think the average American football fan in the UK understands how awesome this is gonna be. Bears 27, Raiders 6
NY Jets at Philadelphia--Sam Darnold is still out with mono. Does anyone else think he's faking it because he knows how bad his team is? Eagles 34, Jets 3
Baltimore at Pittsburgh--The AFC North is basically upside down this year. But somehow I can still picture a gimpy Big Ben leading his team to a 6-seed playoff berth, aided by some form of questionable pass interference or defensive holding call. Tell me you can't picture it too. Ravens 27, Steelers 20
Buffalo at Tennessee--Do the Bills have a single prime time game this year? I mean, they are 3-1 but will play every game at 1pm ET except for a Thanksgiving matchup in Dallas at 4:30. They will make the playoffs again, and they will have a Monday night game against Arizona as a reward. Bills 20, Titans 17
New England at Washington--The Skins would do their players and fans a big favor if they forfeited this game. I mean, they are essentially forfeiting every game anyway. Pats 42, Redskins 10
Denver at LA Chargers--There are 10 games in the early window tomorrow, and TWO games in the late window. Andrew Siciliano will have to hold his pee for 3 hours and then have to fill the late window with punts, early game highlights and Rich Eisen Show promos, and still be able to pee several times. Chargers 28, Broncos 17
Green Bay at Dallas--Get ready to see that Dez Bryant catch-no-catch replay a few times on Sunday. Cowboys 30, Packers 20
Indianapolis at Kansas City--Get ready to see highlights of that ridiculous playoff game when the Chiefs shockingly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. It won't happen this time though. Chiefs 38, Colts 24
Cleveland at San Francisco--Have we talked about how bad ESPN's football coverage is now? I think we have but it's also something I am passionate about and will regurgitate all season. This, however, is a good matchup......the undefeated Niners hosting the much improved Browns. Browns 22, Niners 20
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