Mikey's NFL picks

Last week: 10-6 Season record: 27-21-1 Tennessee at Atlanta --This season the NFC South plays the AFC South and these teams could not bore the shit out of me any more than they do.  Falcons 24, Titans 19 Cleveland at Baltimore --So far Baker Mayfield has looked less like his idol Brett Favre and more like Cleveland legend Tim Couch.  Ravens 27, Browns 17 New England at Buffalo --I saw earlier that Bill Belichick coached five years in Cleveland.  FIVE.   I lived there at the time and I still feel like he only coached there five games, not five years.  Pats 42, Bills 17 Kansas City at Detroit --If Patrick Mahomes plays as long as Tom Brady has, he will shatter all kinds of records.  I can't remember the last time I saw a QB with that kind of arm.  Chiefs 38, Lions 36 Carolina at Houston --Will Kyle Allen squeeze Cam out the way Lamar Jackson squeezed Joe Flacco out?  Texans 22, Panthers 19 Oakland at Indianapolis --Does anyone think...

Last week: 10-6 Season record: 26-21-1 I think I mentioned that it usually takes me 2-3 weeks to get a decent handle on the general power rankings in the NFL.  And we're definitely getting there.  With that, tonight's game is a good one..... Philadelphia at Green Bay --The Packers play five of their first seven games at Lambeau, which is almost a disadvantage for them because any team that plays in a dome or in warmer weather coming to Green Bay in December is likely to lose.  Also MNF could learn from TNF, because this is a compelling matchup; while ESPN has Cincinnati and Pittsburgh (both 0-3) this coming Monday.  And are the Eagles as bad as they've shown so far?  Man, I hope so!  Eagles 27, Packers 26

Last week: 8-8 Season record: 17-15-1 Cincinnati at Buffalo --Is there snow in the forecast yet?  Come on, you know it's coming soon.  Bills 24, Bengals 13 Miami at Dallas --So with the Dolphins on track to possibly go 0-16, will the 2008 Lions be waiting to pop champagne as soon as they win one?  Cowboys 38, Dolphins 3 Denver at Green Bay --Is there snow in the forecast yet?  No but I live 3 hours south of Green Bay and it's gonna be raining like a mother so this could be a swampy mess.  Packers 23, Broncos 16 Atlanta at Indianapolis --I wonder how Andrew Luck's neck beard is doing in retirement.  Falcons 24, Colts 20 Baltimore at Kansas City --The best game of the week will be one that way too many people won't see.  Chiefs 35, Ravens 27 Oakland at Minnesota --I feel like the Vikings peaked with the Stefon Diggs game and now Kirk Cousins has dragged them back to being the Packers' bitches again.  Vikings 23, Raiders 19 NY Jets at ...

Last week: 8-8 Season record: 16-15-1 Wow, I can't figure out this season.  Already.  Except that my Giants are a mess and yet are not as much of a mess as the Dolphins, who could be historically bad.  With that, here is your super-compelling (not compelling) match up for tonight: Tennessee at Jacksonville --Once again, I think I have underestimated the Titans.  I've also overestimated the Jags, but Gardner Minshew II makes them at least fun to watch (I said this guy looks like a pimp.....and I'm proven correct...see exhibit A and B below).  Will the Jags fall to 0-3, at home in prime time with GM2 in the national spotlight?  No fucking way.  Jags 19, Titans 16

Last night: 0-1 Last week: 8-7-1 Season record: 8-8-1 Arizona at Baltimore --It's jarring to look at the slate of games on NFL.com, and see that a team is 0-0-1.  Ties suck in any sport but especially in football, and especially when players, fans, media, etc. invest 3+ hours only to end up where they started.  But behold, my solution--after the 10 minute OT, have a "kick-off" similar to a shootout in hockey or soccer.  Three kicks each, and then sudden death until there is a winner. I know what you're thinking, that you don't want a game decided by kickers--but hell, half the games are decided by them anyway.  Who's with me?  Ravens 37, Cards 10 San Francisco at Cincinnati --Sometimes I want to run from making a pick.  This is one of those times, but if I opted out I'd have a (gasp) tie on my record.  Screw that!  Bengals 23, Niners 20 LA Chargers at Detroit --Last week I was thinking how dominant this Chargers team looked against Baltimore...

Last week: 8-7-1 Season record: 8-7-1 I had a feeling I might struggle coming out of the gate, as did pretty much every pundit and prognosticator in the blogosphere.  That's what I tell myself, anyway. Tampa Bay at Carolina --Last week we had a Thursday night season kickoff game with two fierce division rivals who hate each other and whose fans hate each other in the Bears and Packers, and we were treated to a horribly boring game in which a total of one touchdown was scored.  So naturally the Week 2 TNF game would be another intense division rivalry, right?  Well, sort of.  Yes, it's a division game but it's one from the sleepy NFC South--sleepy because most of America will be put to sleep watching, or will simply turn the game off and go to sleep upon realizing it's a game between the Panthers and Bucs. Oh and my fantasy league awards quarterbacks minus 6 points if he throws a touchdown to the opposing team's defense.  Last week this guy had two such pla...

Season record: 1-0 We're just days into the official start of the NFL regular season, and already we have one of the most insane soap opera stories of the year, and of course it is surrounding the Raiders.  Antonio Brown apologized to his coach, GM and teammates the other day, and all was right with the world but then he was suddenly released this morning after asking for his release from the team on Instagram. Let's put aside Brown's ego for a sec--and yeah it's gonna take more manpower to move that thing out of the way-- but the dysfunction on the Raiders since Jon Gruden was poached from the MNF booth has been breathtaking.  Chuckie essentially drove Khalil Mack, Amari Cooper and now Antonio Brown away.  I look forward to his return to said booth as early as this November. But hey, there are games to pick! Washington at Philadelphia --DeSean Jackson is back in Philly where he belongs so that he can troll Giants fans like me at least twice a year.  Carson W...

Last season's record: 178-87-2 Holy crap, everyone....football is back!!  I must confess I paid very little attention to anything between the draft in April until now.  So I'm kinda cramming, and it may take a few weeks to get in the groove.  Yeah, I know, you don't care but I had to give that disclaimer as protection from organized crime kingpins who may take my "advice" seriously.  But anyway, Happy Football Season to you all!  Green Bay at Chicago --Boy, it sure is nice to not have to suffer through another Patriots game on opening night.  Instead we get one of the oldest rivalries, something I'm sure NBC will harp on for four hours once they get the latest shitty Carrie Underwood video out of the way.  Anyway I'm not sure about this pick.  Here are two photos that sum up the seasons these teams had in 2018: yep, Cody Parkey is right up there with Steve Bartman in the Chicago sports hall of shame then there is this: guess which one o...