Week 3 picks
Last week: 10-5-1
Season record: 21-10-2
I've been scaring myself with how I've picked these games--getting one exact final score and the exact point totals for three teams last week. Then I was off by one point from being another exact score pick Thursday night. All of which means I'm about to shit the bed. Here we go.....
New Orleans at Atlanta--I'm not sure I can figure these teams out. So Drew Brees has not been Drew Brees yet. And Julio has an aversion to the end zone. Home team gets the edge....Falcons 23, Saints 20
Green Bay at Washington--I'm still processing the Skins scoring 9 points against the Colts at home. And now the one-legged slinger comes to town. Packers 27, Redskins 20
Indianapolis at Philadelphia--What's on the menu for a Philly home game--cheese steak or horse shit? Sorry, I'm never letting that one go. You got your Super Bowl win, but the horse shit is a package deal. Eagles 31, Colts 17
Buffalo at Minnesota--Oh boy, this is gonna be a bloodbath, with at least one defensive touchdown. Vikings 42, Bills 10
Oakland at Miami--At some point, Chuckie is gonna regret leaving the comfort of the ESPN booth. I'll tell ya what, man.....the Raiders aren't very good. Dolphins 24, Raiders 16
Denver at Baltimore--I just saw a commercial for ESPN's First Things First and Nick Wright's schnoz made me forget what I was doing. Wow, that thing is impressive. Looks like one of those paper footballs we used in the junior high cafeteria, but with a ball bearing in it. Ravens 22, Broncos 17
Cincinnati at Carolina--Goddammit, I'm gonna have nightmares about that nose, like it's gonna grow arms and legs and chase me to the edge of a cliff. Anyway, are the Bengals for real? If they win this one, quite possibly. They won't. Panthers 27, Bengals 21
NY Giants at Houston--Oh god. The Giants are about to go 0-3 for the second straight year because there is no way Watt and Clowney don't bust through that swiss cheese line and mangle Eli, and no way the Giants D contains Watson and Hopkins and Fuller. Ack. Texans 30, Giants 13
Tennessee at Jacksonville--The Jags are fucking fierce. Like Super fierce. Jags 27, Titans 10
San Francisco at Kansas City--Oh yeah, I forgot about how awesome the Chiefs are. Sorry, Jags. Pat Mahomes is the 2-game MVP and Arrowhead will turn Tyreek into a flash of light again. And again, thanks Goodell for the 10 early games and just 3 late games. Chiefs 40, Niners 20
LA Chargers at LA Rams--When was the last time we had an LA-LA game in the NFL? Rams/Raiders in the 80s? Does anyone care? Actually one of the NFL Network pundits said this was his preseason Super Bowl pick. And I'm like "the fucking Chargers?" No. Rams 33, Chargers 20
Dallas at Seattle--Off topic, I'm watching the Red Sox-Indians game as I type this. And not for nothing but Rick Porcello has a 4.30 ERA and is 17-7. Jacob DeGrom has a 1.77 ERA and is 9-9, with the most ridiculous run support in MLB history. If DeGrom was on the Sox, he'd be pushing 30 wins by now. Seahawks 20, Cowboys 17
Chicago at Arizona--The Cardinals are bad. Like as bad as sour milk, or the band Creed, or the Chevy focus group guy. I have David Johnson as my RB1 and he has 6 fantasy points through two games. I'm so screwed. Bears 27, Cards 7
New England at Detroit--The Billy B and the Bearded Student Bowl. And in case you hadn't noticed, Cris Collinsworth is in midseason form--of douchery. Pats 35, Lions 17
Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay--Wow, who woulda thought Ryan FitzAmish would be an early season MVP candidate. Small sample size but they beat the Saints and Eagles already. And this Steelers team is a mess. Bucs 28, Steelers 27
Season record: 21-10-2
I've been scaring myself with how I've picked these games--getting one exact final score and the exact point totals for three teams last week. Then I was off by one point from being another exact score pick Thursday night. All of which means I'm about to shit the bed. Here we go.....
New Orleans at Atlanta--I'm not sure I can figure these teams out. So Drew Brees has not been Drew Brees yet. And Julio has an aversion to the end zone. Home team gets the edge....Falcons 23, Saints 20
Green Bay at Washington--I'm still processing the Skins scoring 9 points against the Colts at home. And now the one-legged slinger comes to town. Packers 27, Redskins 20
Indianapolis at Philadelphia--What's on the menu for a Philly home game--cheese steak or horse shit? Sorry, I'm never letting that one go. You got your Super Bowl win, but the horse shit is a package deal. Eagles 31, Colts 17
Buffalo at Minnesota--Oh boy, this is gonna be a bloodbath, with at least one defensive touchdown. Vikings 42, Bills 10
Oakland at Miami--At some point, Chuckie is gonna regret leaving the comfort of the ESPN booth. I'll tell ya what, man.....the Raiders aren't very good. Dolphins 24, Raiders 16
Denver at Baltimore--I just saw a commercial for ESPN's First Things First and Nick Wright's schnoz made me forget what I was doing. Wow, that thing is impressive. Looks like one of those paper footballs we used in the junior high cafeteria, but with a ball bearing in it. Ravens 22, Broncos 17
Cincinnati at Carolina--Goddammit, I'm gonna have nightmares about that nose, like it's gonna grow arms and legs and chase me to the edge of a cliff. Anyway, are the Bengals for real? If they win this one, quite possibly. They won't. Panthers 27, Bengals 21
NY Giants at Houston--Oh god. The Giants are about to go 0-3 for the second straight year because there is no way Watt and Clowney don't bust through that swiss cheese line and mangle Eli, and no way the Giants D contains Watson and Hopkins and Fuller. Ack. Texans 30, Giants 13
Tennessee at Jacksonville--The Jags are fucking fierce. Like Super fierce. Jags 27, Titans 10
San Francisco at Kansas City--Oh yeah, I forgot about how awesome the Chiefs are. Sorry, Jags. Pat Mahomes is the 2-game MVP and Arrowhead will turn Tyreek into a flash of light again. And again, thanks Goodell for the 10 early games and just 3 late games. Chiefs 40, Niners 20
LA Chargers at LA Rams--When was the last time we had an LA-LA game in the NFL? Rams/Raiders in the 80s? Does anyone care? Actually one of the NFL Network pundits said this was his preseason Super Bowl pick. And I'm like "the fucking Chargers?" No. Rams 33, Chargers 20
Dallas at Seattle--Off topic, I'm watching the Red Sox-Indians game as I type this. And not for nothing but Rick Porcello has a 4.30 ERA and is 17-7. Jacob DeGrom has a 1.77 ERA and is 9-9, with the most ridiculous run support in MLB history. If DeGrom was on the Sox, he'd be pushing 30 wins by now. Seahawks 20, Cowboys 17
Chicago at Arizona--The Cardinals are bad. Like as bad as sour milk, or the band Creed, or the Chevy focus group guy. I have David Johnson as my RB1 and he has 6 fantasy points through two games. I'm so screwed. Bears 27, Cards 7
New England at Detroit--The Billy B and the Bearded Student Bowl. And in case you hadn't noticed, Cris Collinsworth is in midseason form--of douchery. Pats 35, Lions 17
Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay--Wow, who woulda thought Ryan FitzAmish would be an early season MVP candidate. Small sample size but they beat the Saints and Eagles already. And this Steelers team is a mess. Bucs 28, Steelers 27
Comments
Post a Comment