Week 2 picks
Last week: 10-5-1
Season record: 10-6-1
So I'm off to a bad start this week, picking the Ravens over the Bengals Thursday. I guess I forgot that the Bengals can be world beaters during the regular season, but are El Sucko in the playoffs. I can't wait for them to finish 10-6, get a wild card spot, and then get destroyed by the Steelers or Jags in the first round--after which the Bengals will hold a press conference and announce that Marvin Lewis has signed a 10 year contract extension. Now let's get to Week 2!
Carolina at Atlanta--Steve Sarkisian opened his fridge the other day, and on a carton of milk there was a picture of an end zone. At least they have a good field goal kicker in Matt Bryant. Falcons 22, Panthers 17
LA Chargers at Buffalo--If it was December I'd go with the Bills, but it's gonna be 84 degrees in Buffalo tomorrow. And the Bills appear to be truly awful. Chargers 35, Bills 17
Minnesota at Green Bay--Aaron Freaking Rodgers. With all due respect to Tom Brady, I think I'd take Rodgers as my QB if I had to win one game. The dude was Kirk Gibson last week. Packers 28, Vikings 24
Cleveland at New Orleans--I don't think the Browns will put up 48 points like Tampa did, and I also don't think the Saints will be able to score 40 against the Browns' D. Saints 27, Browns 19
Miami at NY Jets--The Dolphins are 1-0 in games delayed 6 hours by rain. Jets 20, Dolphins 16
Kansas City at Pittsburgh--I've been watching football for a looooooongggg time. And I don't think I've ever seen a QB and receiver look like a video game the way Mahomes and Tyreek Hill did. Oh and Leveon Bell, congratulations on creating a committee backfield, hence lowering your own value. Chiefs 30, Steelers 28
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay--There is no way Fitz puts up 48 against Philly. Eagles 34, Bucs 17
Houston at Tennessee--I had DeShaun Watson last year on my fantasy team....as my backup who wound up playing ever week, until the cruel hand of fantasy fate ended his season and mine. I have him again this year, as my starter. And I know he is now going to go RG3 on me. Texans 27, Titans 17
Indianapolis at Washington--I'm still in awe of that Adrian Peterson catch and run last week in which he stiff armed like three defenders and gained about 65 yards, prompting Andrew Siciliano to correctly point out that Peterson was running "angry." I'm also still in awe of Siciliano's ears. Redskins 34, Colts 13
It's halftime of this post (sort of), and at this time I would like to point out how annoying it is that the NFL puts a damper on Red Zone every year by showing twice as many (or three times as many) games in the early slot and a small handful in the late games. Balance that shit out, Goodell. How hard can it be to put 7 early games and 6 late games? And when the bye week starts, we get some really asinine slates like 8 early games and 3 late games (or even 2!), and to make matters worse the late games typically include teams the Cardinals, Broncos, Niners or Chargers. I guess that's what happens when you don't have commercials and the greedy owners don't like you not buying insurance or Chevys or beer while you watch their games.
Arizona at LA Rams--I love how all the pundits hyped David Johnson, saying his wrist injury won't affect his legs and that he was still being considered a borderline #1 fantasy pick. So I take him with the third pick in my draft....then he pretty much shits the bed in Week 1. So the other day I read that we Johnson owners should lower our expectations due to a shitty offensive line and a QB in Sam Bradford who just is offensive. Seriously? Rams 40, Cards 10
Detroit at San Francisco--How long of a leash does Matt Patricia have? If a defensive whiz's team gives up almost 50 points to the Jets, that leash has to be a bit shorter already. Niners 30, Lions 27
Oakland at Denver--Why does it seem like Denver has 12 home games every year? Also, Chuckie chucking Khalil Mack aside was very, I don't know, Chip Kelly of him. Broncos 23, Raiders 19
New England at Jacksonville--If the Pats struggle against the Jags D, I will feel much better about my Giants losing to them in Week 1. Jags 21, Pats 20
NY Giants at Dallas--Everyone is picking the G-men and that worries me. I know they are improved and the Cowboys have slipped a few rungs, but I can't pick Big Blue until they show me they can win a game. Cowboys 31, Giants 23
Seattle at Chicago--Remember when the Seahawks gave Russell Wilson that huge contract and everyone said that now there was no money left over to pay anyone else, making the Hawks mediocre? Yeah, that's pretty much been happening. Bears 24, Seahawks 20
Season record: 10-6-1
So I'm off to a bad start this week, picking the Ravens over the Bengals Thursday. I guess I forgot that the Bengals can be world beaters during the regular season, but are El Sucko in the playoffs. I can't wait for them to finish 10-6, get a wild card spot, and then get destroyed by the Steelers or Jags in the first round--after which the Bengals will hold a press conference and announce that Marvin Lewis has signed a 10 year contract extension. Now let's get to Week 2!
Carolina at Atlanta--Steve Sarkisian opened his fridge the other day, and on a carton of milk there was a picture of an end zone. At least they have a good field goal kicker in Matt Bryant. Falcons 22, Panthers 17
LA Chargers at Buffalo--If it was December I'd go with the Bills, but it's gonna be 84 degrees in Buffalo tomorrow. And the Bills appear to be truly awful. Chargers 35, Bills 17
Minnesota at Green Bay--Aaron Freaking Rodgers. With all due respect to Tom Brady, I think I'd take Rodgers as my QB if I had to win one game. The dude was Kirk Gibson last week. Packers 28, Vikings 24
Cleveland at New Orleans--I don't think the Browns will put up 48 points like Tampa did, and I also don't think the Saints will be able to score 40 against the Browns' D. Saints 27, Browns 19
Miami at NY Jets--The Dolphins are 1-0 in games delayed 6 hours by rain. Jets 20, Dolphins 16
Kansas City at Pittsburgh--I've been watching football for a looooooongggg time. And I don't think I've ever seen a QB and receiver look like a video game the way Mahomes and Tyreek Hill did. Oh and Leveon Bell, congratulations on creating a committee backfield, hence lowering your own value. Chiefs 30, Steelers 28
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay--There is no way Fitz puts up 48 against Philly. Eagles 34, Bucs 17
Houston at Tennessee--I had DeShaun Watson last year on my fantasy team....as my backup who wound up playing ever week, until the cruel hand of fantasy fate ended his season and mine. I have him again this year, as my starter. And I know he is now going to go RG3 on me. Texans 27, Titans 17
Indianapolis at Washington--I'm still in awe of that Adrian Peterson catch and run last week in which he stiff armed like three defenders and gained about 65 yards, prompting Andrew Siciliano to correctly point out that Peterson was running "angry." I'm also still in awe of Siciliano's ears. Redskins 34, Colts 13
It's halftime of this post (sort of), and at this time I would like to point out how annoying it is that the NFL puts a damper on Red Zone every year by showing twice as many (or three times as many) games in the early slot and a small handful in the late games. Balance that shit out, Goodell. How hard can it be to put 7 early games and 6 late games? And when the bye week starts, we get some really asinine slates like 8 early games and 3 late games (or even 2!), and to make matters worse the late games typically include teams the Cardinals, Broncos, Niners or Chargers. I guess that's what happens when you don't have commercials and the greedy owners don't like you not buying insurance or Chevys or beer while you watch their games.
Arizona at LA Rams--I love how all the pundits hyped David Johnson, saying his wrist injury won't affect his legs and that he was still being considered a borderline #1 fantasy pick. So I take him with the third pick in my draft....then he pretty much shits the bed in Week 1. So the other day I read that we Johnson owners should lower our expectations due to a shitty offensive line and a QB in Sam Bradford who just is offensive. Seriously? Rams 40, Cards 10
Detroit at San Francisco--How long of a leash does Matt Patricia have? If a defensive whiz's team gives up almost 50 points to the Jets, that leash has to be a bit shorter already. Niners 30, Lions 27
Oakland at Denver--Why does it seem like Denver has 12 home games every year? Also, Chuckie chucking Khalil Mack aside was very, I don't know, Chip Kelly of him. Broncos 23, Raiders 19
New England at Jacksonville--If the Pats struggle against the Jags D, I will feel much better about my Giants losing to them in Week 1. Jags 21, Pats 20
NY Giants at Dallas--Everyone is picking the G-men and that worries me. I know they are improved and the Cowboys have slipped a few rungs, but I can't pick Big Blue until they show me they can win a game. Cowboys 31, Giants 23
Seattle at Chicago--Remember when the Seahawks gave Russell Wilson that huge contract and everyone said that now there was no money left over to pay anyone else, making the Hawks mediocre? Yeah, that's pretty much been happening. Bears 24, Seahawks 20
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